Everything is a woman’s issue, as we are women. I do believe that the issues we are facing now are no less dangerous than in previous generations, in fact I think it can be reasonably argued that they are more dangerous, as our difficulties are much more ingrained into all societies. We may feel like we have broken the glass ceiling, but that is a false security blanket we carry around to justify why we work so hard. We still do not make the same annually; we are still questioned over the possibility of children and our management in the workplace. And this will never go away, and perhaps we will never have a moment we take a breath and say “yes, we are thought of as completely equal now”. Don’t we need the possibility of a family as an aspect of femininity? Do we really honestly desire that it is not thought of at all? It is only complicated even more when we take into consideration that if we are judged as a person, by our work and by our personality, than we choose what we find important. And if a coworker happens to value motherhood over her career, then we will know that, and she will be judged for it. But a man who values fatherhood over his career is lauded, and probably given a few wider opportunities so he can continue to participate in the workplace as much.
This is clearly not the only woman’s issue we face; it is just the one that has perhaps most visibly made progress. We are used to knowing that men understand us different because of the bias of St. John’s and conversation and Madonna-whore members of the polity that we represent. Not that this post is supposed to be about the fact that we still are truthfully fighting the women’s revolution.
Actually, how will we ever really know if we have a campaign, a war we are fighting, one particular crusade to drive us on and make us feel successful? I fully expect to never be satisfied, to never feel like we accomplished all we could. If I did feel this way, I would most likely stop doing whatever it was because it was over, and that is useless. We have goals as benchmarks towards a larger, more inaccessible place we are headed, and as a tool to motivate us further. They can by no means be designed to be actually accomplished.
The truth is that hindsight will always show a campaign, we will always be able to look back and say “oh, that’s what we were doing”. The big difference I see between my mother’s feminist fight and mine is perhaps the lack of a fundamental “go-get” that that particular generation held, the clear and pointed vision that they felt they were working towards, which they very much felt. But it was scattered, and it was their own choice to be crusaders, to say “I am passionate for this and I will fight for it”. Perhaps there were fewer things to fight for, and therefore it seems that more people were fighting together than they are now.
That is a wonderful thought of not needing to know where you are headed– if we did we would never do it and we would lose the lessons we are learning, i.e. if we knew you would end up where you are, would you hook up with shunji? Would I have taken the job at touchstones? Would I have gone to seattle? Would Hayley have taken her first trip to france? Yes, and no. because it is scary and unpleasant, but we would not be who we are. Foresight is a double edged sword.
I am reading this blog entry right now on “forgiving past selves”, and how perhaps our current annoyances at people are a self-indulgent flagellation at the person we chose to be previously, (http://www.insideowl.com/article/compassion-for-past-selves).
I admit, I use goals as many things – I have always been a goal setter, but I have not always been compassionate with myself for not achieving them. In most ways, I value that I have not yet reached many goals I expected to – I am grateful I have not gone through with yoga teacher training yet, because I am learning so much more about the type of teacher I want to be. It is a really good thing that I never met that “goal” of being married to a medical student and having children, right?
Children do not have goals. They have desires and long shot goals, but what’s so bad about wanting to be an astronaut when you are afraid of heights? Why can’t I hope to “Save the Bay” even though it is already pretty much lost?
And how does this tie in with marriage? Is it so bad to go in to a marriage with all possible hopes and wishes and lack of goals, believing that a forever-happy, or at least a most-of-the-time-supportive marriage is actually going to happen? No, because truthfully if we let anybody get married who understood that they would be beaten down and lose sight of themselves and lose their hopes and dreams and sexual interest in each other, we would not be the friends we are. Unless of course they were marrying Prince Harry. Or maybe Johnny Depp. Then it would okay. I guess.
In other words- no, I do not need to know where I am going (and don't even really want to) but I worry over right decisions, and I worry over sustainability of youthful passion. I worry over the variety of responsibility of our generation, and I worry I will miss red wine when I get too old to drink it, but that is life.
Here are two articles that refer to this subject:
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/financial/2008/05/12/080512ta_talk_surowiecki
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nina-burleigh/genius-and-young-flesh_b_302515.html
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