30 Day Yoga Challenge – Days 18-21

Yoga
Friday, again, I eschewed any type of “practice” for fear of releasing so much anxiety, and, let’s be honest, I have been lazy and proud of it. Saturday, however, I spent the day babysitting and hit MILESTONES in my asanas. I have been dreaming of two asanas lately that I have not had the courage to try, or at least to fully try. One, has been handstand. It has been so difficult for me to do against the wall, and have only accomplished when I was in the OBX this past summer, and haven’t been able to do since then. I was never able to do handstands as a kid, but the freedom you feel in that strong upside down is so different than headstand, with its security, or arm balances, with its precariousness, that I have had a longing to try them truly. The other pose is less a pose and more of a difficult entry into one - dropping back into urdha dhanurasana (bending over backwards into wheel). I’ve known I have a decent stretch when I bend backwards, but of course the balls it takes to actually try to just fall back like that, was too much. Until this weekend though, when outside with Sam I was in such a great mood that I started to try handstands, as the grass was soo lush and I was not afraid to fall in to it. And Sam helped me, spotting me and telling me if I was straight or not. And I accomplished it! I held a handstand for about five seconds and am so proud of myself! Also, I kept telling Sam that I wanted to try dropping back and he encouraged me, so together we tried it, and again I did it in their living room (and again in my own showing my friends). So, with the help of a ten year old boy, I accomplished two very advanced asanas that I did not have the courage to try by myself. What does this say about me? I do not have the space to explore right now, but perhaps something very interesting. And the rest of the weekend was a bust, as Sunday another tragedy occurred and Monday House was on TV. But I have every intention of getting to class today, tomorrow, and Thurs. We will see.

The boy returned on Friday  I have not felt such a sense of relief in life since, well, anything at all and immediately when I saw him I felt I could breathe again, without knowing that I felt like I couldn’t breathe before. I decided he is as close to a soul mate as I can come to comprehend.

I went to mass on Monday with my mom, which was strange as I had not gone in over a year and the ritual was so striking, and the purple marble columns, and the frescoes and the gold leaf and the kneeling, as if I had not been in longer than I had. I have had so much beer lately I feel made of hops. I am sitting at work drinking Earl Grey tea and eating a chocolate covered butter cookie, like I have a tea time or something.