Carz

So we are now in possession of two 1975/76 BMW 2002's. i.e., rust buckets.
We spent all of Saturday - and I mean from 8AM to 10PM driving back and forth from Delaware picking them up and shoveling them out of piles of snow. Sunday we spent recovering, by waking up early and promptly pushing them around the driveway and taking things off of them. Here are some pictures:

A few photos

These next two pictures are of a field of birds we drove past on our way up to Delaware this weekend - there were so so many of them.. it was just beautiful!






This is Giuls, Johanna and I at the Valentine's day party.. and what happens when we have tequila


The next three are of the EPIC icicles that hung outside our windows after the blizzard(s).

Mondays are hard

I totally embarrassed my boss this morning by accidentally misidentifying a client on the phone – and I didn’t actually misidentify him, I accidentally said the wrong name and before I realized it I had already transferred the client on the telephone. This is a continual problem – not that I misidentify clients, this is the first time I have embarrassed him like that, but disappointing my boss. Usually it is by making a mistake in reconciling an account, or missing a detail on a business letter, or not remembering whether LLC’s have partners and managers or Presidents etc.

I am very done with spending eight hours a day feeling like I am failing my boss at a job that I should be PERFECT at. These are SIMPLE things. Is it just that it is boring and so I must parlay some of my attention to other things in order to keep my attention? Is it the same problems that I have of doing poorly on the simple things while excelling at the difficult? Am I just not good at details?

There is so much I am working towards in improving my life that take time, and I am committed to being where I am right now. But I just do not know how to get over this hurdle of poor performance and disappointment! I have set aside time to focus on each task, I take deep breaths before I do anything. I focus. But I am just not all here. I can’t be or I’d go crazy. This job is just too easy. BUT DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE MAKES ME CRY! And I can’t handle a job where I want to cry three times a day!

I have not been sleeping well – I have been waking up six or seven times in the night from extremely strange and vivid dreams that have little to do with my day – it was suggested to me that perhaps these dreams have more to do with subconscious associations in the day that I am not quite aware of, and that I should try going on a “low information diet” which entails not reading anything but an hour of pleasure reading at night and not listening or watching any news. The problem with that is that I have nothing to do at work, which would leave me an entire six hours of novel reading or personal writing to do a day, and I don’t have that kind of patience or stamina.

This sounds like I am miserable. I am not. It is just February.

Today is my brother’s 22nd birthday. This has been an incredibly productive year for him and I am so terribly proud. I can’t start talking about him now or I will go on forever. And it will put me in a terrible headspace for work.

My friend’s mother died last Monday. And another friends dad is having strokes. I am feeling very resentful lately. Of the positivity of people trying to help me feel better, of the adventures of other lives. I am following the blog of a 16 year old girl trying to make a solo sail around the world – her brother finished last year. I am resentful of her. I am resentful of people who are not on the edge of their seats.

And this is just what I am feeling this very moment. This morning, driving in from Annapolis, the world was the most beautiful place to be. I was welcoming and kind and open and smiling. But this is a Monday feeling, this resentment. And by Friday I will back to gleeful.

Running, and My Own Best Friend

Running Update:
I ran a mile the other day before I got those horrible too-fast cramps, and walked a mile home. I have been very consistent with yoga and weight training recently. I realized that none of the plans I have had for my running schedule have really been all that effective, as follows: running after work I usually come up with an excuse, such as, I’m exhausted. Running when I wake up at 6 is pretty much impossible as I am always hungry and really good at sleeping in. Running when I get home is not very safe as it is dark then and I do not feel comfortable in my neighborhood.

So, none of these work as I have not been running, and my greatest challenge is consistency/dedication. So I thought about the times in my life when I have been MOST dedicated to running and what I was doing that made my consistency spot-on. These times were, when I started running febbie summer and woke up at seven and went straight out the door day after day after some crunches so I could get to class on time, and the summer after graduation, when I woke up and drove to the gym at seven to get a workout before going to my job. So, the similar traits are: morning (but not terribly early), there was someplace I had to be after, and there was some sort of buffer between waking up and running.

BINGO! I went to bed early last night and went in to work at 7 today so I had an hour before work to run. THIS WORKED. Well. VERY well. I get to eat breakfast and have coffee, I get to go home and have my run behind me. I do get a little nibbly a bit early but that’s fine, I just need snacks (I love snacks). So… this leaves my evenings free. Another problem.

I really hate that my evenings have become devoted to television because I have nothing else to do. So, I decided to BRAINSTORM what I would rather be doing instead, and this is what it looks like:

Hiking, coloring, cooking, yoga, friends, organizing, goal setting, sanding wood, sailing, learning something, growing things, short runs, reading, taking apart a car engine, planning, walking a dog, grocery shopping, crosswords at a bar, writing, coffee-shop dawdling, long runs, long walks, swimming, earning money, hearing music,

Ok.. so what do these have in common? THEY ARE NOT TELEVISION!! I do love my stories, and do find that often they are good for me (inspiration, take the place of oral story telling from ancient cultures,), but NOT ALL THE TIME.

So I am breaking down that brainstorm into categories:
Outside
Creativity
People
Learning
Food
Future
And I am sure they can get more generally grouped. The concept is that. Since I work very well with schedules because I break them so easily, I will assign one day of the week to each pursuit. Such as, Mondays I will learn to cook something new, Tuesdays I will spend the evening outside, Wednesdays I will spend working on planning/organizing/researching internships/working with alums, etc. and perhaps volunteering in the future, Thursdays I can spend making something like a picture or a terrarium or when the weather is nicer, shelves. And Friday works well with spending with people. This is loose, not set yet, and certainly malleable.

But I kind of like the idea!

I read a great article today by yogini Sadie Nardini (I have many thoughts on this woman) on yogajournal that was about your core strength, and how it is not the outer abs that she is referring to, but instead the long line of inner-ness that goes from your legs up through your spine. This translates to a need to be limber and deeply within, a focus on your inner self that was illustrated by her buying flowers for herself on valentines day. I am a HUGE proponent on self-kindness, but I think recently I have been not so kind in letting myself pool into a bored and boring grumpy girl. One thing I have come to consider whenever I get in a funk, which Sadie brings up in her article too, is “what would we do if we treated ourselves the exact same way we treated our best friend” because honestly, we should be our best friends, and are really the one person we spend our entire lives with. I certainly would not let my best friends sit around and drink and watch tv if what they would rather be doing is climbing mountains.

Recently...

I think Ive been unhappy. Certainly I have been grumpy (sorry roommate!) and irritable (sorry boy! .. and roommate!) and avoiding fun things. THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE

I blame a lot of it on it being February. And there is no sun. And there has been WAY too much time inside. SO I have a proposal and I extend the invitation out to any of you:

Let's have a mini-vacation? A fun mid-day party? A large get-together? Something that involves laughing and fun loud music and perhaps cake and not necessarily booze (although watching you guys imbibe would be surely fun if you drank enough). Something FUN!! THERE HAS NOT BEEN ENOUGH FUN IN MY LIFE. There has, however, been a lot of de-stressing. To the point where I can't even enjoy a bath anymore because there is no tension left to dissolve. sort of.

get back to me on this one, k?

A few things many other people are afraid of that I am not:

Public speaking

Physical pain

Fire

Commitment

Failure

A broken Heart

Heights

Debt

Imperfection

A few things I am honestly terribly afraid of:

Surfing (but GOD is it badass!!!) (This will change) - because I have been utterly terrified of getting caught in undertow since I was little and honestly had no concept of swimming

Keeping a 9-5 job until I retire - The hours don't suit my productivity well, and god.. how boring

Being boring - I told this to a teacher once and they immediately told me I wasn't. The image that I have is of an 80 year old with nothing exciting to tell their grandkids. Climbing a mountain would solve that issue.

Tidal Waves - i've had nightmares of them since I was 4. Probably related to the not-swimming-well thing. Also I was terrified of losing all my stuff.

Losing my family - this becomes more and more terrifying every day

Back surgery - this fear holds me back from many a run

Reaching forty without ever having seen Tierra Del Fuego, learned to surf, climbed a mountain, run a marathon, learned spanish, had children, lived in a place I loved terribly, gone on a long sailing trip, published a poem.... I could go on

My poetry - I am terrified of it. Of it being sub-par, of it being above-par, of it existing, and how much it turns myself into something entirely other

Never getting out of debt

Never leaving Maryland

Hurting my friends

Completely forgetting the guitar

Getting fat

Losing a husband or child- terribly, terribly afraid of it. Being widowed would kill me and losing a child would make me utterly mentally unstable.

Aspartame - It gives you the symptoms of Alzheimers. Need I say more?

100 Skills

This is a list of 100 skills that every person should know how to do in their lifetimes: http://mightygirl.com/2009/12/30/100-skills-everyone-should-master/

I love this concept. I have about 89 out of the 100 in my pocket (95 if you include the suggested additions). Any guesses as to which of them I CAN'T do? ;-)

Lent, the Four Hour Work Week, and Passion

Today begins Lent. I have not gone to mass for Ash Wednesday, nor do I think that will happen. However, Lent has always been an opportunity for me to instigate great habits and re-start, moreso than New Years. For some reason, the religious guilt left over really drives home the effort. So, this year, I am re-instigating the 40 Days of Yoga (Lent is 40 Days long), and introducing an Alcohol Fast. That’s right, I am replacing drink with dharma, booze with bungie, liquor with limbs, whiskey with … well.. you get it. Easter is April 4, so do not worry folks because I will be LONG done going the dry route by a)Paris b) the boy’s birthday c) crocquet and d) boy’s cousin’s wedding, all of which are in the last half of the month.

How did I Get so inspired to do this? And be excited about it? Well.. who knows. I have been really unmotivated lately, terribly sedentary. Perhaps I can blame it on the snow? No… I have just been going home, drinking, and watching television. THERE IS SO MUCH ELSE I CAN DO WITH MY TIME!!! I can… take back up the guitar… grow six-pack abs….. write a story…. Paint a picture… cook some great food…. Take a walk… visit a museum…. Visit with friends…. Etc. You get the idea. All of these I plan on doing INSTEAD of drinking.

I have been thinking more on the perpetual question of Passion this past week.. because.. well.. I have become completely addicted to the television show “Make it or Break it” which is about a bunch of high school-aged competitive gymnasts. Seriously I watched the whole first season in four days. That badly addicted. Anyway, I figured out that I am addicted to it because I am trying to soak up their passion, their inspiration, their undeterred drive that I feel I am lacking. When asked if I have a passion.. I have no answer. I have tried to find it in so many places, but I feel somehow that while I have such an ease in committing to people, I have a very hard time committing to myself, needless to say committing to an activity, or a thing. Perhaps searching for a passion is my passion. Perhaps truly beauty is my simple passion.

I long so much to be constantly inspired, to be so thoroughly engrossed in something that I stay up long past ten PM to finish a project, or try to find ways to get out of work so I can work on it more. Something I can spend my life perfecting and working on.

The boy gave me a copy of the book “The Four Hour Work Week”, which is part of the library from the store I worked in last year, meaning that I have read many books just like it. He has listened to it twice during his long car trips for work. I am three chapters in and SO INSPIRED…. To go in the exact direction I have been going in. The idea behind the book is to get you to realize that NOW is the exact time to live your dream. Quit the job you hate and pack up and move to that dream land that you want to live in because someday will never really come. And I believe whole-heartedly in everything that Tim Ferriss is saying. He is the honest-to-god modern founder of Lifestyle Design that I talk so frequently about. So there are many great questions that I have begun to think about:

What am I most scared of in the world?

What do I love doing on my days off?
What activities would I do if I had my dream life?

What would happen if I left work now and started living that life? Would it work? Would it fail? What would happen if it failed… what is the worst-case scenario? What is the best-case scenario?

How long would it take me to recover if those actions failed? What steps would I have to take to recover from it?
How much of an impact on my life would the success of acting have?

What is holding me back?

The concept of these questions is to get yourself to look very seriously at what you are doing now, and see that you are holding yourself back, that if you failed in acting you would have comparatively little impact than if you succeeded, and it would take you comparatively less time to recover than you believe. He is trying to get you to see that you are taking a bigger risk by staying miserable than by moving towards ideal happiness.

However, this theory seems to suppose that you are miserable, which I am not, and that you can break a certain number of commitments. I am not miserable, this is true, but I am also a far cry from being perfectly happy with my life. I would really prefer NOT to stand on the subway morning after morning smelling other people’s farts (my commute was horrible this morning, can you tell?), or sit in this relatively uncomfortable chair day after day with nobody around. I believe that, while I promised many people including myself that I would stay at this job until September, making that deadline IS an active step in that direction. That selling my car, while a crucial action, is imperative because money is not the question, freedom is.

Finally shoveled out

Alright so I haven’t written in a while. Excuse: snowed under. To the point where my car is now parked at my mother’s apartment because the snow plow ate my parking spot. This will be fixed… eventually.

Yes, the blizzard came and its still here. In icy drifts blocking most of the pavement. I was in Annapolis, in a blissful bourbon-and-hot-fire-induced state all through the almost-roof collapse (the boy fixed it by climbing on the roof and shoveling it all off) to the power going out (read: not so big of a deal… we read kafka out loud in front of a roaring fire after several drinks and camped in the living room), we shoveled (a lot) (and by a lot I meant my arms were sore for a week. No joke) and sledded and sat around and somewhere around the 5th day of being stuck inside my blood sugar SPIKED and I started to whine a little. To which a quick remedy of running around the house and being taught how to home-brew beer was a nice fix.

And now I’m back at work – at last. Yesterday was Valentine’s day, to which I will write an obligatory paragraph about how I hate it usually because I’ve been with guys who were either really into the champagne+expensive dinner+ diamonds+ lingerie+ lots of roses = happy girlfriend, or the guys who think watching steve mcqueen movies while wiping their snot on your sleeve before buying you a sandwich was perfectly romantic. This year, I win. He went perfectly and appropriately slightly-over-the-top with my fav candies and a book he knew I would love added on to the PERFECT roses, and that was it. Then off to a party we went! No great big deal, no super sloppy excuse of “I did so much for you for this day so I can get away without knowing what you really love”. He knows me, and it was perfect. Done.

And then the party was super fun. Tequila. Enough said.

And now I’m back at work- at last. I have a few thoughts burning through my head regarding running and the fact that today is really awesome because I can eat pancakes for dinner and what I am going to give up for lent. I also have a great conversation in there about passions too. All of which I will save for later.

And to conclude, it took roommate and I a full hour to drive the ten minutes to the movie theater yesterday (which resulted in me screaming and crying in the car) and ruined our plans to see an awesome movie about TOLSTOY (what could make me happier – broody russian story, Tolstoy, laziness, and movie popcorn? Not much. Maybe a puppy). We saw most of Crazy Heart instead. Which had great music.

Welcome

... to the little world entitled "Annelies is Sometimes Pretty Neurotic", where J.Brown's sophomore((ic)ha!) (see what I did there?!) statements that I'm just "too unstable" ring loudly on the walls of the house I have built myself

except that this house withstands hurricanes and earthquakes.
Last night re-emphasized a topic I have been thinking about - the Type A personality.

Growing up, and all the way through high school, I was Type-A. What do I mean by this? Super Anal. Perfectionist. Totally afraid of failing. I cried when I got a B in math, I was always asking for extra credit, I did everything all the time, I even had my bedroom labeled and a map to my closet for GD's sake!

However, then I went to therapy. The more I figured out my daddy issues, my attention issues, the I-must-be-perfect-so-I-am-loved issues, the less anal I became. Homework shared a bench with work-work, and comparing things only to my own desires as opposed to posted grades meant whatever competitiveness I had fell straight out the window. Clothes are now stored on the ground, and I am pretty satisfied NOT being the founder of my own non-profit/business and being an ultra-marathoner.

Most of the time. The desire to be "Bad-ass" is my new word for "perfect", it's just a more easily bendable version.

This is a question I have come to wonder about - are all Type-A personalities just people with issues that haven't gotten them under control yet? Or do Type-A people acquire issues more readily? Do they really go hand in hand? Was I ever a true Type-A and just "grew out" of it through therapy? Or are these anxious bouts holdovers from being Type-A, or proof that I am a true Type-A that has learned a medium between total control and pliability?

The problems with being Type-A, and super anal, are that you freak out when things go wrong and cannot handle change well. I am clearly getting much better at this, and I think it is very very important that I am mastering this ability. However, I sometimes feel as if I am losing control completely... hence last night's post.

And sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay that I dont' run every day, because I have two herniated discs and a pinched nerve that will never go away. And the fact that I can run at all with this issue is, my friends, pretty bad ass.

Snow Anxiety

OKay, so my boss left early and I am sitting here at my little secretary's cubicle without the music on, and I am getting more and more anxious - i just may cry.

The anxiety started when I started reading a bunch of blogs from runnersworld and all these hard core runners who do ultra marathons and sub 3 hour marathons and run 100 miles a week post about their running, and it makes me more and more upset at myself. See, I think of myself as a pretty hard core person, and I really enjoy being hard core, and badass, and when I think of myself as anything but badass, THAT, my friends, is when I get anxious. And with running, I have a complex. I cannot be badass at many things I enjoy doing, like my work, or writing, or anything at St. John's. I just could never be GREAT at it. And with running, I know I can't be GREAT but I can still be BADASS (cue the half marathon in the snow). Unfortunately, there will always always always be people more badass at running than I am, which I am okay with. But when it centers around something that I know should be doing - running regularly - and can't seem to make happen, then the complex fires up again. How can I possibly improve if I can't get my feet out of the door?

And then, the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to actually get my feet out of the door - if I can never be truly badass, then why bother? So now, instead of running home from work, which I intended to do, I am taking the metro and all my stuff with me for fear that the snow may start earlier tomorrow and all my credit cards get stuck at my office...

which brings me to another point of anxiety, the snow. I am utterly TERRIFIED that I will get stuck at home this weekend (and, roommate, it has NOTHING to do with you. getting stuck in last weekend was a blast. even if we were FREEZING. and in different rooms while i drank wine by myself). The idea of yet another weekend forty miles from Annapolis, when snow is the one thing the boy loves more than life itself, makes me cry. Also, if the snow starts earlier than its supposed to - which is what happened last time - than I can't get in to work and get my paycheck, and I am flat BROKE at the moment. Not even a dollar for coffee have I left! (yup, pancakes for dinner). Which means ONLY BAD THINGS when rent was due and my phone bill is due etc. etc. and I will be stuck at home, far away from my best friend, WITH NO FOOD OR BOOZE. That, friends, is utterly terrifying (I can hear your screams).

SO I don't know what to do! Maybe by the time I get home I will be so anxious I'll run in the dark anyway. Maybe by the time I get home I'll fall asleep. Maybe I'll just freak out - that is the most likely occurrence.

Thursday Potential

Reading R’s blog post today made me long for simplicity- in the sense that it made me want to sum up parts of my life in a paragraph – and then it made me think about the areas she mentioned. And, I know it must have been hard to write that post, since nobody’s life can be put into paragraphs easily. And I know there is so much more going on in her life than what is described. Yet there is still a luxury in being able to say “this part of my life – improving, this one – stagnant, this one – improving, and that one – not so much” and look at it that way. I think, perhaps my friends, it is time for some self-examination again (always, annelies.. always).

What would the paragraphs even be about? How could I measure success or failure – based on how far I’ve come, or how much I have left to reach my goals? Or both? What would be a highlight to put into it?

Am I trying to write a Christmas Update Letter to myself?

Now that the boy is back I feel centered again – it has been a hard hard week and a half, as if my greatest challenge is waking up and going to bed without beating myself up – and the more time I spend with him the more it seems like a dream, as if it can’t possibly be happening to me, that I can’t possibly have become the person I hoped I would (mostly).

I have three great stressors in my life, and no more: I feel constantly incompetent at work, I cannot find a regular and even running schedule, and I have not yet sold my car. However, I feel that I am moving in a positive direction towards solving all of them, and therefore becoming less and less stressed. The running aspect really makes me feel like I am failing, as I come to desire to run more and more and yet seem to be unable to get out the door. And the car has been an ever-present stress and more and more urgently needs to be finalized. However, I realized today how happy I have been while at this job, and I think I will not be able to look back at it as poorly as I seem to make it out in my head – there is absolutely nothing bad about the job, I just am not passionate about it, and for some reason I am utterly discontent settling for dispassionate in my life – I have too much energy for that. I have too much potential.

I read a great article in the Huffington Post about “who is minding your potential”, that reminded me what a force a person’s “potential” should have in their lives. This is not to say that one should not be “in-the-moment” and always looking forwards towards what they could be doing, but instead it is a very “in-the-moment” activity, of ensuring that this right now, this action, maximizes all that you could be doing. That, perhaps, is our greatest responsibility.

Mint Tea

I have not run since the half marathon, which I think is a good thing. I originally thought it was simply because of laziness, but having thought about it all day I think I have come to a quieter way of listening to myself and following my insight. The sidewalks have been covered in snow, and my hip is still sore. I am wholly unwilling to push an injury for an accomplishment I will have little trouble achieving. Yesterday I fought long and hard with myself, the pouting and selfish side being the one that wanted to go out and run, but I am simply not eating enough in the afternoons and by the time it is time for me to run I am so exhausted and famished that I have little energy to put my shoes on. However, I have been ensuring a great strength session or a long stretch/yoga in place of runs these past few days. I definately feel the difference.

While I have not run, I have instead 1) dyed my living room curtains kelly green 2) dyed my bedroom curtains a golden yellow and 3) stitched new buttons on my fancy coat so I can actually wear it and feel more beautifuller.

I have in my head an ideal grocery list that I cannot reach until this weekend, alas. However, more snow should happen. Maybe I will be taught to snowboard? Maybe the prize cars will be transplanted into the warmth of a new annapolis home and two very excited new owners? Wednesday is no day to be hoping for the weeekend!

Vices

I saw this on another blog that I follow and found it terribly amusing and interesting. So I will share it with you here. The blogger had been to a job interview and was asked the question “what are two of your faults” to which she promptly made up some good-looking bullshit. Her blog post was about her ACTUAL faults. So here is a list of some (note: some) of mine that I am thinking of right now (you all know these already but they make me laugh):

- I hate the way eating sounds – especially crunchy things. I will leave the room if you are eating chips or carrots, and god help you if you try to eat celery and I am in a bad mood. You will NOT appreciate the death stare.

- I am not terribly hygienic. Yes, I wash my hands in the bathroom, and I brush my teeth one-and-a-half times a day and floss regularly, but I rarely shower. And I am just now appreciating the glories of washed hair.

- If you listen to your music too loudly on the subway (or listen to beyonce, on that note), or pronounce “s” like there is a natural “h” after it (as in the vernacular of ebonix) or are drinking some sort of frappuccino, or chew your gum with your mouth open, or match too much, I will judge you for it.

- Details do not exist in my life. I would rather get a task done quickly so I have more time to dick around than do it to its utter perfection. Unless, of course, it’s something I WANT to do, like cooking, or refinishing furniture, or creating some crazy business plan.

- Money is the oil to my water – I just cannot figure out how to manage it well. This, I am sure, will change. With age. Because, you know, with enough shaking they mix, right?

- I am getting better on this one – with about ten years of work behind me, I can now make a few decisions by myself. Unless I am tired. Or hungry. Then you must do it for me. But for now, I can choose things like: what to buy at the grocery store (sometimes) or how I get to work in the morning (most of the time) and even (!) What to wear (whatever is NOT on the floor).

- I am a chronic underachiever. I figured this out in high school. Basically, if something is simple and easy for me to do it, I won’t do it well. A task or a subject MUST BE SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to do it. And then I will do it pretty damn awesomely. For example: learning Spanish – I am really good at languages so I never bothered to memorize the vocabulary and got B+’s instead of the regular A’s on my report cards. Also, running a marathon: I have two herniated discs, a pinched nerve, and zero discipline, but somehow, I am doing it, and gaining speed while I’m at it. I attribute this aspect to why I am not a Top CIA agent or Nonprofit CEO making megabucks and saving the world right now.

- I am secretly very secretive. Roommates past and present can tell you this. I am on superficially very open and will tell anybody about anything in my life. But if something is actually quite wrong, you will never know unless you pick up on the subtle hints like: I’m not drinking as much or, I find no joy in the word “pancake”. This is getting better too though, as I am making a big effort to be truthful about my emotions.

- I find great pleasure in my vices. I am usually quite pleased at the concept that I drink regularly and smoke sometimes and make great excuses to sit on the couch watching mediocre television instead of doing yoga or going for a run or saving small kittens. I like feeling human, especially when it has to do with a simple decision to do one thing or the other and I know I have power over it. (See the ‘chronic underachiever’ entry above)

So… here are a few. There are a lot more, but I am starving and have all these other things I want to blog about instead, so the rest can wait until you ask me about them.

Half Mary/ Iced Over

I was very wary of whether I would run the half marathon on Saturday or not – the weather was showing for snow (and… everything shuts down in MD for snow. Strike that – a HINT of snow) and I was SUPER tired. The parks service was in charge of shutting down the race, since runners who sign up for a January half are crazy anyway and will run in anything.

So I woke up at 7 and called the number, and the race was still on, and it was gray and cold but no snow falling so I got dressed and ate a good breakfast of oatmeal and walked out the door. And then it snowed. Lightly.

I have never seen so many bumper stickers for triathlons or extreme marathons or “toenails are for wussies” in one place before… and I worked for an athletic wear company that sponsors Olympians! But, clearly, only the masochists would be out for this. This run was on the canal, starting at Carderock and going to Fletcher’s boathouse, and back. Beautiful views of the engorged river, easy flat and pretty.

So the race began and it was 16 degrees out. And by mile 4 my eyelashes were frozen. And by mile 6 my hat was frozen to my head. Around the 6th mile my back started bothering me, so I took it easy, and went slower. At this point, the snow was an inch or so thick and the beautiful view of the Potomac river had entirely disappeared behind a wall of falling snow. I had found a few groups of run-walkers to pace which was a good decision. On my way back from the out-and-back, around mile 9.5 I think, I started noticing a point on the back of my leg that felt different- as in – I could feel it, as opposed to the rest of my legs being COMPLETELY NUMB. And I started to worry that I hit a nerve, since it was at the exact location that the sciatic firsts give “warning pains”. So again, I slowed, and worried. I took a walk break and determined it was, actually, chaffing, and I was okay except for the EXTREME aches in my hips that were beginning to make an appearance.

I crossed the finish line at the 2:08 mark, with the online results showing a one minute difference from the clock and the chip times, so I ran under 10 minute miles! I got a finishers medal, and a t-shirt that is way too large, and EXTRA brownie points for being crazy. By the time I shuffled back to my car, I could not feel my fingers AT ALL, there were four inches of snow on the ground, and more coming down in sheets. So I made my way to the co-op and hung out with the brother for a while (I never get enough time with him!) and changed clothes (his manager made me sit in front of a heater because I was shivering.. for an hour). I got home right when the roommate did and we spent the rest of the day there!

Sometime during the end of the first of my marathon of movies we realized the heat was out in the house. We could see our breath. It was cold. I had three layers of fleece on and we turned on the oven, at risk of killing ourselves of gas inhalation. Finally it was fixed, I watched another movie, and ran out for wine and bacon. We watched ANOTHER movie, I drank MORE wine, and watched a few bad television shows, and collapsed. Around 3 pm I realized my hips were still in pain, and iced them. I have never experienced “hip pain” before so this is interesting. I planned on running into work this morning, but I doubted the sidewalks would be shoveled (they weren’t) and I fall at the thought of ice, and my left hip is wonky now! I walked to the metro, of course, and a few blocks in the pain transferred down from my hip to my left quad, and has faded since. I plan on a long yoga session tonight (I swear I’ll make myself do it!) focusing on lengthening the hip flexors and hope that works enough for a run into work tomorrow.

Next challenge: this weekend’s 18 miler!