Updates on the Operation

I have been paying more attention to certain things since starting Operation: Make Myself More Beautifuller. One, is that I like being clean (I know!). Not only that, but being clean often comes with a greater feeling of beauty (I know!) (L aren’t you proud?). However, the desire to be clean and the actual feeling of beauty themselves also decrease in necessity as I feel grosser, i.e. the longer the interval between workouts/movement (I say workout/movement because sometimes a simple yoga practice, or a long walk, or a few weight sets do the trick, other times it’s a six mile run or a three hour vinyasa class is necessary). However, my ability to stay consistent in a workout practice is …. Not great. I am the MASTER at excusing myself from anything that takes great effort (which, my mother would claim is not true, and maybe even my roommate, but I beg to differ. Maybe it’s just the concept of ‘great effort’ that we differ on).

I would also like to note, that in the process of writing this post, I figured out that I could lower my chair to facilitate a) my feet touching the ground (yes, I have worked here about 7 months and my feet have never touched the ground in my work chair) b) a more ergonomic view of the computer screen c) better posture d) a sense that the world is still TOO BIG for me e) another reminder of just how small I am (which I have become very good at both ignoring, and getting other people to ignore too).

Now, back to brass tacks. I spent another night with a wine bottle last night because I was PMSing and realized that I hated the world, also that I have become so tense and uptight that my shoulders are constantly rounded forward and I am in DIRE need of a shoulder-opening yoga class, because it is a self-perpetuating problem. So, the wine was less effective than in past evenings (thank god) and quite tasty with the fantabulous tomato soup I cooked up and ate with cheese and a chipotle-chedder-sausage. I know, I’m good sometimes. And, I noticed something this morning as, miraculously, there was no effect leftover and I woke up rested and not terribly hungry and pretty happy. That, I really like not being drunk. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t like drinking, but I think the novelty of too much drink is running thin. Finally. Now the key I think will be to remind myself every time I think that drinking a bottle of wine during the week is a good idea that I really prefer not to, and more than that I thoroughly enjoy the feeling of being movable and healthy and the way I feel when I eat VEGETABLES and MOVE and SEE BEAUTIFUL THINGS (the not making an ass out of myself thing helps too). However, I am sure I will continue to have a drink or two. Which I do enjoy. However, the savoring of said drinks shall be highly increased.

So April will be a big month – marathon, trip to Europe, trip to Florida for boy’s cousin’s wedding – with lots of, umm… physical exposing in the more appropriate kind going on. So that means I really do have TWO MONTHS to get into PRIME shape. Yet ANOTHER reason to not drink a bottle of wine at night by myself? Yes. I’ve been doing pretty good otherwise. I just have to be BETTER about the running, and the twice-weekly strength sessions. I get so EXHAUSTED by the concepts though. I am finicky, if I think I’m too tired I just won’t do it. Is that bad?

Also, sorry about the use of so much caps today. It’s just how I feel.