Thinness, Happiness, and Value

Here are a few articles, and the conversation it spawned in my head:

This one is from my new fav site social workout on the things women say to each other: http://www.socialworkout.com/2010/03/29/conversations-women-have

This one is about lifestyle design and why it doesn’t always work: http://www.nunomad.com/blog/how-lifestyle-design-could-make-you-really-unhappy-5-ways-to-design-a-happier-life/.

What they have in common is something I have been thinking about the last few weeks- which have been torturous and therefore I have not been blogging because, really, who wants to hear me complain? That’s right, nobody, not even me. The thinking that has been thinking relates to the future – to the thoughts that “I will be truly happy after these ten pounds are gone” or “if I just sell this car everything will be perfect”. The elusive happiness of goal achievement that DOES NOT EXIST!

I am not going to write a post on WHY it does not exist, since we have done that already, nor am I going to rant on the sickness of a capitalist society that has convinced us that HAVING or LOSING WEIGHT or some other CONCRETE goal is going to fix all of our problems for us. I find it interesting that we, according to the nunomad’s sited studies, return to our average level of happiness. I believe this to be true in my own life – to an extent. I am much, much happier now in my life than, say, as a teenager, or, as a depressed child, and even than when I was in college. But this has to do with balancing my life out, with a focus on psychological and physical health. So perhaps our true level of happiness can only be really measured as long as everything else is functioning well? That does not make sense because so much of happiness is measured purely BY how well everything is measured. Hmm…

I wrote in my journal a few days ago the phrase “you determine your own value”, which is an interesting thought. I am utterly sick of the concepts in my head of “oh if only my arms were more toned I would be more comfortable” or, “if I could save x amount of dollars I wouldn’t be stressed about money anymore”. I have this memory of living in Seattle and coveting the clothes around me when I worked at J.Crew and thinking quite tangibly that “if only I had that sweater and those shoes I would feel better about myself”. I, of course, lost THAT bet with myself, crashed, and burned, and consequently got rid of most of my wardrobe several months later.

How and when did I get convinced that losing weight would make me happy? I realized the other day that I have distinct memories from being 11 years old and thinking how nice my legs looked in a skirt, and from being 12 years old and thinking “if my legs only looked like THAT than I would be more comfortable and happier”. That means I have been thinking for 12 FUCKING YEARS that if I was just a little bit thinner, life would be better.

Now, this isn’t to say that I am NOT, in fact, more comfortable with less fat on my body (oddly – I have always been focused on the comfort of thinness, not the appearance – summertime is easier when your legs don’t chafe, or your arm-fat doesn’t produce extra sweat), but I am happier because I feel STRONGER and healthier, not thinner. I actually weigh significantly more now than when I was at my largest. But isn’t there something totally disgusting about desiring something relatively unnecessary and somewhat self-destructive for TWELVE years? And I am not the only one!

Anyway, combine this with the conversation I had with my good friend G on our LONG and wonderful sunny hike on Saturday that, for part of the long conversation, settled on the concept of health. In the struggle to combat obesity (what does that even mean – how can we FIGHT obesity, like we are raging a WAR against people’s thoughts and habits? How strange!) we have put an undue focus on THINNESS, as opposed to health. I mean – nobody would say that Michelle Obama is SUPER SKINNY but everyone would agree that she is SUPER FIT. Her focus is not on being tiny but on being healthy. And THIS is what we need to push. Not weight LOSS, but body management.

And the result from these thoughts is that happiness really is the result of coming to terms, of refusing to be anxious (worrying about something that does not exist) about money, or weight, or love, or whatever. However, I also read an article that shows how abstract thinking about a goal improves our self-control and motivation. Proof: I am much more likely to go for a run if I focus on the goal of a marathon than if I focus on the fact that I have to put on my shoes and actually MOVE for a period of time (fact: this worked last night). Proof: I am much more likely to save my $$ and NOT buy candy when I focus on the trip to Paris and a) how every $ counts and b) how every calorie counts, than if I focus on how hungry and low-energy I am (fact: this worked last week, I bought peanuts instead which were cheaper and better for me).

I am starting a thorough search into myself on the concepts of what truly makes me happy, and why, and what are my long-term happiness goals. Just for curiosities sake.

Proof: I determine my own value. It is my life. Sorry about the caps guys, I am a bit yelly today. Blame it on the moon.