... to the little world entitled "Annelies is Sometimes Pretty Neurotic", where J.Brown's sophomore((ic)ha!) (see what I did there?!) statements that I'm just "too unstable" ring loudly on the walls of the house I have built myself
except that this house withstands hurricanes and earthquakes.
Last night re-emphasized a topic I have been thinking about - the Type A personality.
Growing up, and all the way through high school, I was Type-A. What do I mean by this? Super Anal. Perfectionist. Totally afraid of failing. I cried when I got a B in math, I was always asking for extra credit, I did everything all the time, I even had my bedroom labeled and a map to my closet for GD's sake!
However, then I went to therapy. The more I figured out my daddy issues, my attention issues, the I-must-be-perfect-so-I-am-loved issues, the less anal I became. Homework shared a bench with work-work, and comparing things only to my own desires as opposed to posted grades meant whatever competitiveness I had fell straight out the window. Clothes are now stored on the ground, and I am pretty satisfied NOT being the founder of my own non-profit/business and being an ultra-marathoner.
Most of the time. The desire to be "Bad-ass" is my new word for "perfect", it's just a more easily bendable version.
This is a question I have come to wonder about - are all Type-A personalities just people with issues that haven't gotten them under control yet? Or do Type-A people acquire issues more readily? Do they really go hand in hand? Was I ever a true Type-A and just "grew out" of it through therapy? Or are these anxious bouts holdovers from being Type-A, or proof that I am a true Type-A that has learned a medium between total control and pliability?
The problems with being Type-A, and super anal, are that you freak out when things go wrong and cannot handle change well. I am clearly getting much better at this, and I think it is very very important that I am mastering this ability. However, I sometimes feel as if I am losing control completely... hence last night's post.
And sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay that I dont' run every day, because I have two herniated discs and a pinched nerve that will never go away. And the fact that I can run at all with this issue is, my friends, pretty bad ass.
for days that seem like dreams are often the sweetest reality...
1 comment:
The first sentence of this post is my favorite sentence you've ever blogged.
Weirdly enough, when I was younger I was a total Type B, and then morphed into a Type A as I got older. I think it was because my mom and sister were always sooooo Type A and when I was young it was my way of "rebelling" to not be that way myself. Then when I wasn't living with them anymore, I immediately adoped all their habits. So perhaps now I am acting more "myself," without the pressure to create some sort of balance within my family... food for thought!
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