Snow Anxiety

OKay, so my boss left early and I am sitting here at my little secretary's cubicle without the music on, and I am getting more and more anxious - i just may cry.

The anxiety started when I started reading a bunch of blogs from runnersworld and all these hard core runners who do ultra marathons and sub 3 hour marathons and run 100 miles a week post about their running, and it makes me more and more upset at myself. See, I think of myself as a pretty hard core person, and I really enjoy being hard core, and badass, and when I think of myself as anything but badass, THAT, my friends, is when I get anxious. And with running, I have a complex. I cannot be badass at many things I enjoy doing, like my work, or writing, or anything at St. John's. I just could never be GREAT at it. And with running, I know I can't be GREAT but I can still be BADASS (cue the half marathon in the snow). Unfortunately, there will always always always be people more badass at running than I am, which I am okay with. But when it centers around something that I know should be doing - running regularly - and can't seem to make happen, then the complex fires up again. How can I possibly improve if I can't get my feet out of the door?

And then, the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to actually get my feet out of the door - if I can never be truly badass, then why bother? So now, instead of running home from work, which I intended to do, I am taking the metro and all my stuff with me for fear that the snow may start earlier tomorrow and all my credit cards get stuck at my office...

which brings me to another point of anxiety, the snow. I am utterly TERRIFIED that I will get stuck at home this weekend (and, roommate, it has NOTHING to do with you. getting stuck in last weekend was a blast. even if we were FREEZING. and in different rooms while i drank wine by myself). The idea of yet another weekend forty miles from Annapolis, when snow is the one thing the boy loves more than life itself, makes me cry. Also, if the snow starts earlier than its supposed to - which is what happened last time - than I can't get in to work and get my paycheck, and I am flat BROKE at the moment. Not even a dollar for coffee have I left! (yup, pancakes for dinner). Which means ONLY BAD THINGS when rent was due and my phone bill is due etc. etc. and I will be stuck at home, far away from my best friend, WITH NO FOOD OR BOOZE. That, friends, is utterly terrifying (I can hear your screams).

SO I don't know what to do! Maybe by the time I get home I will be so anxious I'll run in the dark anyway. Maybe by the time I get home I'll fall asleep. Maybe I'll just freak out - that is the most likely occurrence.