After the snow

So Monday was
a) A snow day off work
b) The Solstice
c) Frustrating

I had all these gigantic plans because I woke up early and had nothing to do all day – I haven’t run in weeks, so a long run was on the charts. It was the solstice, so 108 Sun Salutations were planned, cooking, decorating, cleaning, etc. I got 54 Sun Sal’s in, and caught my foot on a nail in the kitchen, pulling with it a gigantic wad of skin to the point where three days later I still can’t put all my weight on it. I perhaps needed stitches. Too late now!

So runs for another week are out, my Mom caught swine flu, the Boy is sick. I have all these friends coming up for New Years, which makes me SUPER happy. Problem is: the girls are chill, they know their plans, they make them themselves, etc. But I don’t know them. The male friend is needy, and even though the plans have stayed the same on my end for MONTHS and I have communicated them to him FOR MONTHS he still demands down to the minute details. It’s driving me a little insane. PS – Girls, you know who you are – when are you coming? Call me. L I think your phone is out. Whateves neither of you will read this in time.

Anyhoodle. Great breakthrough today. A real Eureka moment.
I have been upsetish with the apartment for a month or so, and I keep trying to figure out exactly why. I complain to the Boy (I’m sorry!) and think I come up with some reason or another that explains the whole thing every week or so. But I think I really have it figured out this time – the roommate put it into perfect words (as she is want to do). The problem is THIS IS NOT MY HOME. I keep putting energy into making it that way, into convincing myself it is, and it frustrates me. And then I get frustrated at the dishes, or the trash, or the mail, and the truth is, my home is wherever the Boy is. I can’t change that. I don’t want to. SO I have to stop thinking that this period of my life is just a stopover until the read adventure of Colorado, or Bellingham Washington, or wherever the Boy decides to move us come September is the real adventure. Because THIS RIGHT HERE is an adventure TOO!

I sort of feel like I’m a spy, or something (I’ve been watching the show the Dollhouse, obviously), and that this is just one persona I am trying out – that during the week I am the singleish young paralegal that meets her friends for drinks and works out all the time, except I don’t meet friends for drinks and I don’t work out all the time and I’m not single. But, you know, that idea. And that after this job I’ll be the less singleish resort worker living in the cold saving money riding her bike living in a hipster apartment type. Hopefully with a dog.

Everything smells like happy and home today – maybe it’s this shirt that I’ve been wearing since high school, it is so lived in that it has come to have the consistent smell of wherever I am that I am satisfied with my life place. The songs are all perfect on Pandora, even this shitty coffee tastes good. The DC WATER even tastes perfect. I wish my roommate was not leaving today for FOREVER to have a family adventure in FUCKING JAMAICA so we could make snowmen and bake cookies and play Van Morrison on my record player. Braines you are a MASTER cook and I wish I could have been there to play.

I’m tired of being self-pitying in a lonely state. I love my Boy and never feel as much as myself and safe and happy and powerful as when I am with him. But you guys, my friends, you are fun too. LOTS of fun. You make me SUPER happy too. Wanna hang out some time?