My Wedding Speech

Diotima speaks of love as a child of need and resource, lowly and ugly from his mother, shy and persistent from his father. In the Symposium speech recounted by Socrates, we become aware of Loves place as a mean, as a true philosopher in his adoration of wisdom. Diotima and Socrates come to understand a nature of love that is always becoming, always changing, always growing.’ “for love, Socrates, is not, as you imagine, the love of the beautiful only” ‘what then?’ “ the love of generation and of birth of beauty.” ‘yes’ I said, “yes, indeed” she replied”’.

I knew I wanted to read to Schuyler and Julia a sufi poem at their wedding, he sufi’s are an old religious sect that I hold very dear- they have the unique gift of being literally moved by their love. They experience love for their creator as pure joy and unity, and have been particularly gifted in their talents for communicating this relationship. Rumi is one such gifted sage, and here is a poem that encapsulates what I wish for my friends:

Be Lost in the Call

Lord, said David, since you do not need us,
why did you create these two worlds?

Reality replied: O prisoner of time,
I was a secret treasure of kindness and generosity,
and I wished this treasure to be known,
so I created a mirror: its shining face, the heart;
its darkened back, the world;
The back would please you if you've never seen the face.

Has anyone ever produced a mirror out of mud and straw?
Yet clean away the mud and straw,
and a mirror might be revealed.

Until the juice ferments a while in the cask,
it isn't wine. If you wish your heart to be bright,
you must do a little work.

My King addressed the soul of my flesh:
You return just as you left.
Where are the traces of my gifts?

We know that alchemy transforms copper into gold.
This Sun doesn't want a crown or robe from God's grace.
He is a hat to a hundred bald men,
a covering for ten who were naked.

Jesus sat humbly on the back of an ass, my child!
How could a zephyr ride an ass?
Spirit, find your way, in seeking lowness like a stream.
Reason, tread the path of selflessness into eternity.

Remember God so much that you are forgotten.
Let the caller and the called disappear;
be lost in the Call.

I have ruminated over these analogies for a while now, and it was not before I applied Diotima’s words to it that I understood them. I mean – what does Rumi mean about the mud and the mirror? What does time have to do with this?

The message I am taking from Socrates’ teacher is this: Love is hidden. It is not in the flashes of beauty, or the extreme satisfaction of your beloved’s arms. Love does not rest. Instead, it is in the struggle, in the long attempts to “birth” a new idea, or a new you, from each other. Who knows whether, when we came upon a mud pile, whether it is mud or not? He who uncovers it and puts in the hard work of clearing it away just may find a mirror, reveal the heart of the earth shining to reflect the sun, which will clothe him, in his ignorance and nakedness.

Rumi places David as the inquisitor, a conqueror, a lover, a musician and a friend to his Lord. But is not Allah or God to Be Feared, but Reality that replies, with words of honesty and grace. This world we live in is a treasure, it is not bound by the time we fall prey to – it is and always will be a bright and shining vessel of love. And we can see this if we look for it. Fermentation is a pretty gross process – it is smelly and painful, as a partial transformation can only be. But once it begins it continues always – only growing stronger with time. And finally, the Sun wants nothing more than he already is – no accolades for showing the greatness of the world, and Jesus wants nothing more than what is already there for him. True beauty, true love, does not search for what is irrelevant, instead, it takes its gifts and strengthens it in its trust and faith. True, love sees the world of mud eroding in front of him, and takes the last of its fading time to make it beautiful, to create the ultimate beauty through his persistence.

Okay, so this is still cryptic, but here is what I mean. Diotima and Rumi are telling us that love, yes it is present here at this happy point, but even more so love is when it is not so happy. Schuyler and Julia have been and will continue in their love to re-discover each other, seeing the great shining gifts in each other birthing new ideas, fermenting into a strong and complex wine together. And we are here to call them into this service. They have asked us to give them our witness to their discoveries of each other – how honored we should be – and to view as step by step they clear away the mud, they see themselves in their human mirror, they become a new and inseparable unity, providing a purpose for each other every morning when they choose to love each other. We implore you, Schuyler and Julia, to be each other’s philosopher, finding in the birth of beauty in each other’s eyes, the aging of wisdom in the calm after a fight, to continue to identify that it is the work in your relationship that makes it worthwhile. We implore you to answer each other’s call to love, and once answered, to relinquish your individual attachments and lose your own self in each other. We implore you to lose yourself in the call of each other’s voices.