Washington is not a terribly friendly place to grow up. It has the highest concentration of Type-A Over Achievers in, probably the world, and the money to prove it. We have wrangled ourselves up lists to one of the Most Expensive Places to Live, one of America’s Best Food Cities, and Americas Most Fit City, among many others. We love climbing ladders of any kind – political, social, financial, and editorial. If you’re not the best, you might as well be dead.
This mindset permeates all the way through to elementary school. A student must be top of the class, best athlete, pretty, and popular, while their individual interests are rarely praised but often exploited until whatever novelty existed for the child dies in a heap of social expectation. And its not the parents necessarily, that are all to blame. The schools are at fault too, but mostly, all the other kids. We pick up some weird vibe that pushes ultra competition. It is not the moving home with mom that has made me a social failure, it’s my lack of a higher degree than Bachelor, and/or my seeming relegation to an overly simple job. I have not published a book yet. Nor have I won any races. I am not Top Anything. Yet.
However, I was a Type D personality growing up. It is little known, and here is a description:- The typical "D" personality doesn't like change, preferring instead, to have a set of guidelines from which to follow and they won't mind doing the same thing over and over. They are usually more motivated by security and benefits and are likely to get the "gold watch" if the company can provide the security they seek. "D" types are very supportive of others and are often the type that others turn to when they have a problem. Their compassion level is usually quite high and often seem very happy and content with themselves and life in general. They are usually punctual, and consistent. They add "balance" and support in the workplace and may be the champion of the "under dog". - Type A is opposite to Type D. I was constantly fighting the world around me telling me to push to be the center, the controller, to embrace change and adventure, when all I needed was stability and support. I was loyal and steady and consistent, and all the world wants is for me to be exciting and exceedingly excellent.
It seems however that this is changing as I grow up. I am embracing more of the Type-A ideals as parts of the adult world require me to be satisfied with my supporting role and just have a family and be happy goddammit.
Sometimes the Type A mindset gets to me. I start to read into all the success around me as the polar opposite of my current life. The rewards that others are reaping elude me and therefore I have completely failed at life. And then I come up on article after article about the merits of napping, family time, gardening, cooking food, sleeping in, taking days off, and wandering aimlessly. I can read these and say “hey – I’m doing that!”. This is the world reminding me that there IS a middle ground. I may not be in a high-intensity law program, but I am learning quite a lot about social law. I may not be earning mega-bucks, but I am learning how to save. I am not running around the globe competing in super marathons, but I have long delicious walks with my boyfriend and really wonderful drives to work with my mother. I am doing just what everyone says they wish they had done when they are old and almost dead – spending time with my family, living slowly.
This is a theme that occurs often here – how I struggle to mitigate the feelings that I am wasting my days with the knowledge that here is where the world put me. I keep feeling that very little exciting happens in my life, but the past two months of weekends have included this: a long trip to the Outer Banks, the largest free arts festival on the east coast, visits to several museums, 5 mile walks, dinners with friends, planning galore, farming, surprises, and lots of joy. What is not exciting about that?! Thanks for bearing with me as I struggle to balance my life.
Who knows, DC and I may just have to break up.
2 comments:
Um, me too.
Me three!
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