Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Noonish

My hamstrings are sore because I accomplished 54 Sun Salutations for the Solstice but hadn’t done yoga in weeks. This combined with the hole in my foot makes for a funny walking Annelies.

I’ve decided I need better fitting pants for work. That will make me feel less foppish and childish.

I am just ACHING for a hot dog today. It will happen, I promise.

I have the 29th off so I can spend time with Florida L and Indiana L.

I am in the best mood ever right now – I am about to go eat a hot dog off a street vender and take a walk in the STUPENDOUS sunlight.

I am planning a party. When should it be? Everyone should come. I am going to dye my curtains this weekend … maybe today?! Blood red. Also I will paint.

After the snow

So Monday was
a) A snow day off work
b) The Solstice
c) Frustrating

I had all these gigantic plans because I woke up early and had nothing to do all day – I haven’t run in weeks, so a long run was on the charts. It was the solstice, so 108 Sun Salutations were planned, cooking, decorating, cleaning, etc. I got 54 Sun Sal’s in, and caught my foot on a nail in the kitchen, pulling with it a gigantic wad of skin to the point where three days later I still can’t put all my weight on it. I perhaps needed stitches. Too late now!

So runs for another week are out, my Mom caught swine flu, the Boy is sick. I have all these friends coming up for New Years, which makes me SUPER happy. Problem is: the girls are chill, they know their plans, they make them themselves, etc. But I don’t know them. The male friend is needy, and even though the plans have stayed the same on my end for MONTHS and I have communicated them to him FOR MONTHS he still demands down to the minute details. It’s driving me a little insane. PS – Girls, you know who you are – when are you coming? Call me. L I think your phone is out. Whateves neither of you will read this in time.

Anyhoodle. Great breakthrough today. A real Eureka moment.
I have been upsetish with the apartment for a month or so, and I keep trying to figure out exactly why. I complain to the Boy (I’m sorry!) and think I come up with some reason or another that explains the whole thing every week or so. But I think I really have it figured out this time – the roommate put it into perfect words (as she is want to do). The problem is THIS IS NOT MY HOME. I keep putting energy into making it that way, into convincing myself it is, and it frustrates me. And then I get frustrated at the dishes, or the trash, or the mail, and the truth is, my home is wherever the Boy is. I can’t change that. I don’t want to. SO I have to stop thinking that this period of my life is just a stopover until the read adventure of Colorado, or Bellingham Washington, or wherever the Boy decides to move us come September is the real adventure. Because THIS RIGHT HERE is an adventure TOO!

I sort of feel like I’m a spy, or something (I’ve been watching the show the Dollhouse, obviously), and that this is just one persona I am trying out – that during the week I am the singleish young paralegal that meets her friends for drinks and works out all the time, except I don’t meet friends for drinks and I don’t work out all the time and I’m not single. But, you know, that idea. And that after this job I’ll be the less singleish resort worker living in the cold saving money riding her bike living in a hipster apartment type. Hopefully with a dog.

Everything smells like happy and home today – maybe it’s this shirt that I’ve been wearing since high school, it is so lived in that it has come to have the consistent smell of wherever I am that I am satisfied with my life place. The songs are all perfect on Pandora, even this shitty coffee tastes good. The DC WATER even tastes perfect. I wish my roommate was not leaving today for FOREVER to have a family adventure in FUCKING JAMAICA so we could make snowmen and bake cookies and play Van Morrison on my record player. Braines you are a MASTER cook and I wish I could have been there to play.

I’m tired of being self-pitying in a lonely state. I love my Boy and never feel as much as myself and safe and happy and powerful as when I am with him. But you guys, my friends, you are fun too. LOTS of fun. You make me SUPER happy too. Wanna hang out some time?

Snowstorm Recap

There was snow this weekend. Lots and Lots of Snow.
I spent Friday not believing the snow would come, as it was predicted to, because, well, it never does. Snow does not happen here. Ice does, but snow does not. I have glorious fond memories of the two snow storms we have had here in my lifetime. In 1996 we lived in Georgetown and I played in igloos made against cars from the snow plows and Mom lost her Christmas cards on our walk to the grocery store with our wagon, but someone found them and got them back to her. And Seal’s Kissed By a Rose played in every car. And our orange cat Bob would sled with us – no joke. In 2003 I walked the seven miles up River Road with my friend Cait to our friend Roxy’s house by walking in the tread left open from some SUV, and Alec drove in the snow with his Jeep, and that’s about all I remember, other than they didn’t open the public schools FOREVER because they couldn’t get their act together enough to shovel all the sidewalks. They being the government.

Well, in light of the predicted 2 feet-slash-blizzard-slash-seven-bazillion-feet-that-will-keep-us-locked-in-forever-and-ever that was predicted, I decided it would be best if I drove up to Annapolis on Friday, before the snow was supposed to start, in order to not be stuck in Takoma Park with just m television for entertainment. Also I am terrified of ice – it’s how I first hurt my back – and I believed my property manager would not have the gumption to actually shovel and salt our steps. And I would need food. And I would be iced in. not fun.

So it took me two and a half hours of slow slow driving to get the forty miles up to Naptown, and only fishtailed when I pulled into the second-to-last street before The Boy’s house. I listened to St. Matthew’s Passion the whole way. It was pretty neat.
And we woke up the next morning and the ENTIRE WORLD was white. And STILL SNOWING. The Boy woke early so he could shovel the snow off his boat, and when I woke we made eggs and coffee and bacon and sat around for a while, until the rest of the siblings woke up and we got in the Boy’s car – He was a lifty in Colorado for a while and not only LOVES SNOW but knows how to handle it like, well, like he lived in Colorado. We towed the boy, the brother and the sister on their snowboards behing the Explorer for a while. I’ve never snowboarded so it was mute for me to try. I handled the media element that ended up on facebook. We drove to pick up the sister’s best friend, and tried to get Chipotle (it was closed) so we drove to downtown Annapolis, ate Moe’s, and threw poorly sticky snowballs at each other until our fingers froze.

Back at the ranch we made gingerbread dough, and began a contest amongst the sister and her best friend vs. me and the boy vs. the parents. The brother’s friend was over, the Christmas tree was decorated, beers were had, lots of chatting, the brother is a stiltwalker so he taught his friend how to walk on stilts. At some point we went out to RE-Unbury the boat from the 500 plus pounds of snow laying on top of it. That was an adventure.

We opened the gin, we chatted, more friends came over and brought bourbon, cards came out, we played a few drinking games and headed out into the snow at 1 AM to bury the minivan that had gotten stuck in the middle of the culdesac.

The next day there was more coffee and waffles, friends were still there, and when they left we started shoveling out the cars. The Boy is a genuine 100% Good neighbor. He’s the kind that walks door to door asking if you need help shoveling out your car, offering to pick up some TP and Milk at the store because he’s the only one who can drive an SUV in the snow. So he shoveled out the minivan we buried earlier, plus my car, plus several other cars. The brother and sister and friend shoveled all the snow off the balcony and jumped into it, and by that point I was so dehydrated I opted to stay inside and chat with the mother. Which of course made me feel like the lame girlfriend who won’t try to surf and won’t jump off the balcony for no good point other than being tired and embarrassed.

The sister had many more friends come over at that point and I Fell asleep watching the Raven’s game. The mother was roasting a chicken in rosemary and I decided to stay for dinner, and then I stayed the night and drove home in the morning.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Complete Record Collection

one name per copy


Ali Di Meola Elegant Gypsy
Andre Previn Plays Fats Waller
Arlo Guthrie Alice's Restaurant
Arlo Guthrie Washington County
Astor Piazzolla Tango: Zero Hour
Atlantic Group Super Hits
Bach Alairs playing
Bach Walter Carlos performing on the Moog Synthesizer
Beatles Magical Mystery Tour
Beatles Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Beatles Let it Be
Bee Gees The Best Of
Beethoven Symphony #6
Beethoven Sonatas by Walter Klein
Beethoven Eroica by Sudwest Funk Orchestra
Beethoven Choral by Horenstein
Berlioz' Symphonie Fantastique by Marc Antoine Charpentier
Billy Joel Turnstile
Blood Sweat & Tears Blood Sweat & Tears
Bloomfield, Kooper & Stills Super Session
Bob Dylan Desire
Bob Dylan Greatest Hits Vol. II
Bob Dylan Self Portrait
Bob Dylan Greatest Hits
Bob Dylan New Morning
Bob Dylan John Wesley Harding
Bob Dylan Bob Dylan
Bob James Sign of the Times
Bob James Touchdown
Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band Night Moves
Bonnie Raitt Homeplate
Brahms Piano Trios by Odeon Trio
Bruce Springsteen The River
Bruce Springsteen Born to Run
Bruce Springsteen The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle
Bruce Springsteen Nebraska
Bruce Springsteen Greetings from Asbury Park NJ
Bruce Springsteen Born to Run
Bruce Springsteen Greetings from Asbury Park NJ
Butterfield Blues Band Sometimes I just Feel Like Smilin'
Carole King Writer
Carole King Music
Carole King Tapestry
Charlie Parker Parker
Chase Chase
Chicago Transit Authority
Chicago III
Chicago Transit Authority
Chuck Berry Golden Decade
Chuck Berry Wild Berry
Copland & Crusell de Peyer & London Mozart Players
Cream Disraeli Gears
Cream Disraeli Gears
Creedence Clearwater Revival Cosmos Factory
Cricklewood Green Ten years After
Crosby Stills Nash & Young déjà vu
Diamanda Galas Diamanda Galas
Diana Ross and the Supremes Greatest Hits
Diana Ross and the Supremes Where Did Our Love Go
Diana Ross and the Supremes Where Did Our Love Go
Doco Deliverin'
Donovan Sunshine Superman in Concert
Donovan Essence to Essence
Doug Sahm & Band Doug Sahm & Band
Dvorak New World Symphony Carnival Overture by Philharmonia
Eagles Hotel California
Easy Rider Soundtrack
Elliott Carter Sonata for Flute, Oboe, Cello & Sonata for Cello, Piano
Eric Clapton Slowhand
Eric Clapton Backless
Eric Clapton At His Best
Eric Dolphy Dolphy
Erik Satie "through a looking glass" by the camarata contemporary chamber orchestra
Everly brothers The Best Of
Farrell Music from Royal Weddings from 1923-1973
George Carlin Occupation: Fool
George Harrison All Things Must Pass
Grand Funk Pheonix
Gregorian Chants
Hair Soundtrack
Hausmann, Ayrton & Shaun Classical Oboe & Horn
Haydn Chamber Music by Die Instrumentisten
Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass Band The Beat of the Brass
Herbert von Karajan Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra
Hilde Somer Plays Seriabin
International Award Series Children's Songs
Iron Butterfly Live
Jackson Browne Lawyer's in Love
Jackson Browne Running on Empty
Jackson Browne The Pretenders
James Taylor Sweet Baby James
James Taylor Mud Slide Slim
James Taylor James Taylor
James Taylor Sweet Baby James
James Taylor Mud Slide Slim & the Blue Horizon
James Taylor Sweet Baby James
James Taylor and the Flying Machine
James Taylor Sweet Baby James
Jean-Paul Rampal & Robert Veyran Lacroix
Jim Croce You Don't Mess Around With Jim
Jimmi Hendrix Band of Gypsies
Jimmy Smith Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Joan Baez Blowin' Away
Joan Baez Joan Baez
Joan Baez Diamonds & Rust
Joan Baez Farewell, Angelina
Joe Cocker With a Little Help From My Friends
Joe Cocker Joe Cocker!
John Adams Harmonium
John Coltrane Coltrane
John Lennon Plastic Ono Band
Johnny Rivers Golden Hits
Joni Mitchell The Hissing of Summer Lawns
Joni Mitchell Ladies of the Canyon
Jose Feliciano Feliciano!
Joy of Cooking Closer to the Ground
Joy of Cooking Joy of Cooking
Judy Collins In My Life
Judy Collins Wildflowers
Judy Collins Judy Collins
Kate & Anna McGarrigle Kate & Anna McGarrigle
Kate & Anna McGarrigle Love over & Over
Kate & Anna McGarrigle Kate & Anna McGarrigle
Kris & Rita Breakaway
Kris Kristofferson Border Lord
Kris Kristofferson Who's to Bless
Kris Kristofferson Easter Island
Kris Kristofferson Jesus was a Capricorn
Kris Kristofferson Spooky Lady's Sideshow
Kris Kristofferson Songs of Kristofferson
Kris Kristofferson Kristofferson
Kris Kristofferson The Silver Tongued Devil & I
Larry Coryell Spaces
Led Zeppelin Zoso
Leo Kottke Dreams & All That Stuff
Leo Kottke 6 & 12 String Guitars
Leonard Cohen Songs Of Leonard Cohen
Leonard Cohen The Best of
Lightnin' Sam Hopkins Lightnin's In Town!
Linda Rondstadt Livin' in the USA
Linda Rondstadt Lush Life
Linda Rondstadt Heart Like a Wheel
Linda Rondstadt Hasten Down the Wind
Loggins & Messina So Fine
Lou Reed Rock & Roll Animal
Lou Reed Transformer
Mamas & the Papas Deliver
Marianne Faithfull Faithfull Forever
Marshall Tucker Band Greatest Hits
Martha Argerich Piano, Maurice Ravel
Mary Poppins Soundtrack
Mendelssohn Piano Concerti by Royal Philharmonic
Michael Hedges Breakfast in the Field
Miles Davis Davis
Mose Allison I Don't Worry About A Thing
Mozart Time Life Collection
Neil Diamond Beautiful Noise
Neil Young Harvest
New England Trios Piano Trios
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band Stars & Stripes Forever
Ornette Coleman Crisis
Ornette Coleman Twins
Pachelbell's Chanon Paillard Chamber Orchestra
Patti Smith Horses
Paul Simon Still Crazy After All These Years
Paul Simon Greatest Hits
Paul Simon There Goes Rhymin' Simon
Paul Simon One Trick Pony
Paul Simon Graceland
Paul Simon Still Crazy After All These Years
Paul Simon Paul Simon
Peter Paul & Mary Peter Paul & Mary
Peter Paul & Mary Moving
Peter Paul & Mary See What Tomorrow Brings
Pink Floyd Atom heart Mother
Poco From the Inside
Procol Harem Salty Dog
Purcell Songs from Taverns & Chapels by Deller Consort
Raffi Rise & Shine
Ravel Manboro Music Festival
REO Speedwagon A Decade of Rock 7 Roll - 70-80
Rick Wakeman Myths & Legends of King Arthur
Rick Wakeman Journey to the Center of the Earth
Rod Stewart Sing it Again Rod
Rod Stewart Every Picture Tells a Story
Rod Stewart Greatest Hits
Rod Stewart Never a Dull Moment
Rod Stewart A Shot of Rhythm and Blues
Rolling Stones Hot Rocks
Rolling Stones Hot Rocks 64-71
Rolling Stones Big Hits (High Tide & Green Grass)
Rolling Stones Sticky Fingers
Rolling Stones Emotional Rescue
Rolling Stones Some Girls
Rolling Stones Tattoo You
Rolling Stones Beggars Banquet
Rolling Stones Let It Bleed
Rolling Stones Aftermath
Rolling Stones Beggars Banquet
Rolling Stones Out of Our Heads
Roy Orbison Greatest Hits
Roy Orbison The Very Best Of
Ry Cooder Chicken Skin Music
Ry Cooder Chicken Skin Revue
Ry Cooder Borderline
Ry Cooder Jazz
Ry Cooder Into the Purple Valley
Ry Cooder Bop Till You Drop
Santana Abraxas
Santana Santana
Schubert Quintet in C by Guarneroi Quartet
Scriabin John Ogden
Sergio Mendes & Brasil '66 Fool on the Hill
Shades of Deep Purple
Simon & Garfunkle Parsley Sage Rosemary & Thyme
Simon & Garfunkle Parsley Sage Rosemary & Thyme
Simon & Garfunkle Sounds of Silence
Simon & Garfunkle Greatest Hits
Simon & Garfunkle Parsley Sage Rosemary & Thyme
Simon & Garfunkle Bridge Over Troubled Water
Simon & Garfunkle Wednesday Morning, 3AM
Soft Machine Third
Songs from the Mr. Roger TV Show
Sonny Rollins Rollins
Southern Journey 2 Georgia Sea Islands V.2
St. Matthew's Passion
Steve Miller Band Fly Like An Eagle
Steve Miller Band Bok of Dreams
Stevie Wonder Greatest Hits
Strauss Waltzes by the London Philharmonic
Strauss Czechoslovakian Orchestra
Stravinsky Le Sacre du Printemps by the London Symphony Orchestra
Stravinsky played by Berliner PHilarmoniker
Tchaikovsky Nutcracker by Bolshoi Theater
Telemann Chamber Music by Baroque Ensemble of Paris
Tex Rubinowitz Tex Rubinowitz
The Allman Brothers Band Brothers & Sisters
The Animals Animalization
The Band The Band
The Band In Concert, Rock of Ages
The Band Northern Lights, Southern Cross
The Beach Boys Smiley Smile
The Byrds Greatest Hits
The Byrds Younger Than yesterday
The Doors The Doors
The Doors Strange Days
The Graduate Soundtrack
The Moody Blues In Search of the Lost Chord
The Original Delaney & Bonnie Accept No Substitute
The Rose Soundtrack
The Who Live at Leeds
The Who Tommy
Thelonius Monk Monk
Tony Scott Tony Scott
Tracy Nelson Mother Earth
Traffic The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys
Urban Verbs Early Damage
Van Morrison Wavelength
Van Morrison The Very Best Of
Van Morrison Into the Music
Velveteen Rabbit
Vivaldi The Four Seasons
Vivaldi Opera Overtures by Isolisti Veneti
Vivaldi Concertos
Wagner Carlos Paita New Philharmonia
Waylon Jennings Ladies Love Outlaws
Wayne Horvitz This New Generation
We Are the World
Weather Report Night Passage
Wes Montgomery The Small Group Recordings
West Meets East Yehudi Menuhin & Ravi Shankar
Whiskey River
William McEwen Will the Circle Be Unbroken
Willie Nelson Phases & Stages
Willie Nelson Stardust
Willie Nelson Shotgun Willie
Willie Nelson The Best Of
Willie Nelson Red Headed Stranger
Willie Nelson The Best Of
Willie Nelson Country Willie
Wry Straw From Earth to Heaven
Young Rascals Including Good Lovin'
Yusef Lateef The Best Of

Props for Review , or, a Brave Little Annelies

Props to me for finally asking the boss for a formal review. This is about as scary as to me as ASKING all of your tutors for a Don Rag when you know there are seven points you can improve on, ten you’ve done well in, and hoping that because there are three more you’ve done well with you can ask for a better grade when it’s all over. I’ve been procrastinating on this for a few weeks now, but it turns out it was in his schedule anyway. So… props for me for bravery, and props for me for appearing above the curve and asking for one instead of waiting for him to come out with it. Great way to begin the day!

Lawyer's Holiday Party and a Glass in the Toe

Yesterday was the holiday party for the other law firm that we share a floor with. Never has a large group of people celebrating been so unappealing to me. I wanted to cry when, at 5:40, after stalling as long as possible, I was told to join the festivities. They were loud, and old, and spoke only of boring lawyer things. I knew nobody, but was hungry and indebted for the invitation, so I snuck in, was fondled from behind by some lousy older male lawyer who thought he was getting away with it (he was) while walking through the crowd to get my name tag, and snagged a few shrimp and a roast beef sandwich. I found a seat in the corner to sit on, politely smiled at my neighbor, ate, and hightailed it out of that horrid situation. My boss, who happened to be celebrating his birthday as well, sang a cheery farewell as I waited for the elevator.

My plan was to get in a run, or at least some yoga, but when I got home I realized I was famished. I had hoped I would have greater opportunity to eat at the party. There was also quite a lot of work for me to do at home. So I ate, and finished cleaning my records, and trimmed my plants, and when I got down on my bedroom floor in down-dog, I promptly set my big toe straight down on a several centimeter long piece of glass. This brought blood, and more blood, and I can’t put pressure on the toe even still. I brought in an enormous amount of stuff to work today hoping that by the end of the work day it will have reduced the swelling enough to hobble through a few miles.

And my boss was later getting in – I somehow feel like I’ve won something when I get in before he does – and punctually set to work taking down the signs the crew left on all the closed office doors last night, highlighting the privacy of the offices.

Monday, December 14, 2009

PS

Oh, also, the bestest part about the weekend?

He loved it.

A bazillion WINS, Part 2

c) Yeah, three weeks into it I can look in the mirror and not scream “I AM NOT HILARY CLINTON!! NOR AM I A LESBIAN!! GROW OUT DAMN HAIR GROW!” because, well, it has grown enough that I don’t feel like that anymore. I am not sure whether it has actually grown, or whether I have just made friends with it. Doesn’t matter. I’m not mad anymore.

d) So, as some of you know, I have been reading many many design blogs lately and getting really anxious to be creative. Having thought long and hard about what my passion is, I still cannot come up with any possible single answer. So, in true Johnnie fashion, I have derived the common element: beauty.

Beauty is the one thing I admire in all of the following: the human body, motion, math, physics, visual art, dance, music, the environment, literature, poetry, food, friendships, anything else I have ever loved. I love it because it is beautiful, and through its qualities I am more in connection with the common beauty of the world.

So what? Well, I have been trying to figure out my life, as always, and been inclined to consider a design degree (only some-what seriously) recently. But the problem with a design degree is that it does not incorporate the geeky sciency chemistry and biology that I love so much and look forward to in an environmental science focus. So, I poked around a bit and found these:

http://www.uvm.edu/~fntrlst/?Page=directorschair.html
http://www.uvm.edu/~gundiee/?Page=certificate-program/ecologicaldesign/index.html&SM=certificate-program/certificate-program_menu.html

That’s right, it’s Johnnie Naturalist and Johnnie Naturalist-Artist come to the rescue!!! The field naturalist program is focused on real experience, and requires a lot of life experience, which is awesome because I can’t imagine going back to school for another little while now. I really want to work on a farm first. And then there’s the ecological design certificate, for when I’m done with the two year Field Naturalist program, that would let me be all creative AND earthly AT THE SAME TIME! Perfect. That’s all.

e) Just in time to request a formal review, I get confirmation that I am, indeed, good at my job. All this worry may be either paying off, or good for nothing.

f) I paid my bills. I can buy groceries. I will not be carted off to debtors prison yet. YAY!

g) 12 miles. Through cold, lit-up Washington DC. I am strangely thrilled by this idea, because I get to think about ECOLOGICAL DESIGN and FIELD NATURALIST future, and REORGANIZING HOUSES and GROCERY SHOPPING, all while listening to sad music. I LOVE IT!!!

A bazillion WINS, Part 1

My friends
Today is a day of success, and fear not, I will tell you why:

a) This past weekend RULED. I have to come out and say it – Fallingwater, Frank Lloyd Wright’s PA house, is SEXY. More to come
b) Nothing this weekend went as planned, and I DID NOT FREAK OUT! I know, right? SO NOT ME. I think this boy is good for me.
c) I finally don’t hate my haircut. Actually, it may be kind of cute.
d) I found my future in two U Vermont programs: the field naturalist program, which is kind of like St. John’s for non-scientist eco-freaks, and their ecological design certificate
e) I was told by my boss’ wife that I am doing my job “very very well”. SCORE!
f) Money, if not looking up, is at least not sinking me into a hole. I feel fine about it now.
g) I am pretty freaking excited about my 12 mile run tonight.
h) Etc.

Details:
a) and b) I took the boy to Pittsburgh as a surprise, keeping him in the dark about where we were going for three weeks. The reason we went THERE is the exhibits that were shown. Well, we got a late start on Sat. so we did not get in to Pittsburgh until 3:45, and the first museum closed at 5. So we perused the Carnegie Museum of Art and saw an exhibit on people in photographs throughout photography history, a super cool engineer that made me drool, and lots of modern works. I ate a really old potato the night before and had an embarrassing digestive reaction, demanding we get off the metro so I could use the loo on our way to the venison party (that’s right, a friend shot a buck and cooked us its meat), and continued to have terrible stomach pain the entire weekend. I drank Pepto like water. So I was exhausted after the driving, and the museum, and we found a super cute, simple bar right next to our parking spot and had some simple good food. The hotel was hard to find, but pretty nice, and I slumped into bed with my pepto and ginger ale and watched “blades of glory” before getting the definitely not enough 9 hours of sleep.

We figured we would try to catch the Warhol museum, which we were both most excited about of the two museums, in the AM on Sunday because we would have more time then than on Saturday, and then scoot over to see Frank Lloyd Wright’s Fallingwater. I gave the attendant my credit card, instead of my debit, and feared my paycheck hadn’t gone through when it declined, so I made the boy pay for his Christmas hotel room. I was embarrassed, to say the least. And of course, even though we know better, we figured we would get breakfast and coffee in town instead of bother the busy attendants at the front desk to walk over and use their starbucks carafe’s to fuel us. Well, the universe thought it would give us a good joke because it decided that it too would celebrate Fallingwater and RAINED ICE. Seriously, we passed forty cars ruined on the side of the road. It was a battleground. This, of course, going at under 40 mph on the highway for 20 minutes before we came to a dead standstill and had to park for, yes, two hours, while a car was cleared away and the road de-thawed because it was iced over. Nope, no time for the Warhol dammit. Though, it gives us a great excuse to come back.

So we headed out and stopped at a Bob Evans along the way to enjoy pretty much our favorite meal of diner breakfast. Trotted into the tour right on time, and proceeded to spend the next hour with our jaws dropped and our little design-inclined minds going WILD. The place is seriously cooler than you can imagine. We daydreamed about architecture and planning for the ride home in, yes, clear weather.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Little Known Fact

Friends
Singing is in my family - not American Idol singing, but certainly not Please SHUTUP singing. My mother claims she can't keep a tune, but we know that her good friend taught her, if perhaps not to keep harmony than certainly to claim her voice, on that long roadtrip in college many years ago. And of course, the Genius Brother can be recorded and paid much money for his golden voice. And I, true fact, used to sing the choir and get more than my fair share of solos. I know, you turn the radio up when I start singing to the songs, which is most of the time, but at one point I wasn't half bad. PROOF: I was a soloist in the choir that won TWICE in middle school for singing Danny Boy. At the time I also had this memorized on the piano.


Sometimes, when I think of who I have been growing up, I wonder how I have become who I am: At one time I sang, played three instruments, held a small job and was an actor and a tutor in all subjects including art and coordinated the music for an entire extracurricular group. Then came high school when I worked a whole lot and still managed to edit the lit mag, organize school activities, tutor, keep a boyfriend, write poetry, keep my grades relatively up, etc.

and then here I am. i work sometimes. i run less than i work. I see my boyfriend, sometimes my mother, rarely my brother. Sometimes I talk to my roommate. On really exciting nights i go grocery shopping.


On a lighter note, here are the lyrics to Danny Boy, which I spent a good 30 minutes singing to myself in the car on my way back from doing laundry at my mother's tonight, trying to remember how to sing without hurting the glass in the car that if god ever loved me will sell in a month:

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

My favorite plants in my life - 2006

Mindfulness Struggle

Today is a day where I am struggling with Mindfulness. I keep hearing the nagging in my head of “it’s okay, because when ___ happens, you’ll feel so much better”. Fill in ____ with a) you lose some weight b) you learn to shower regularly c) you sell your car d) you get out of this job e) you have some money in the bank f) you finally get into that exercise groove you’ve been trying to manage for twelve years now g) you finish your Christmas-gift-making h) you go grocery shopping i) you land that extra job j) you live somewhere where you can hang out with a large group of friends regularly k) your hair grows out l) all the way down to z). Everything will make me feel better.

And this is not in an I-really-feel-terrible or an I-am-depressed or even an I-am-not-happy kind of way. It’s just in the way I’ve always thought about things, which is a future-minded sort of way. But the truth is, I’m still struggling to lose the weight I convinced myself would be gone by now four years ago, and I still am not in the exercise groove that I know will make me feel good, and I still have no money. And none of these things, frankly, is really bound to change all that much. Unless, of course, I CHANGE THEM. But that is for a different post.

I struggle with these things because; while I can be a terribly disciplined person when I am passionate about something, rarely is there anything I am passionate about enough to be disciplined. I only occasionally feel like I need to lose weight, and that is inevitably tied in to the grocery shopping and exercise and therefore money issues, and it’s never a need that I feel needs necessary to be actioned, it’s only really a side note. But there is always one of these thoughts that grows out of the other, until I am not only thinking “wow, my chafing sore hurts from my run, perhaps if I ate less chocolate I wouldn’t hurt for days after for no good reason”, but I am thinking “if I thought about my life more than I would be happier” because, of course, more thinking means better decisions. Apparently.

The problem I have with this kind of thinking is – if I let myself be consumed by it, I am unhappy. And the results will never change. And I can see myself therefore being infinitely unhappy. Needless to say that I really am at the time worried and upset about any number of these things which is a pain in itself. But it’s the effects of this worry, or the influence of this worry, that bother me, and less the worry itself.

I had a conversation with this morning with the boy, where I mentioned how these past few months have been pretty hard. We ended up having a long e-mail conversation about what exactly I meant, which is not the relationship-centered thought he had (‘no it hasn’t, we’ve been great!’), but the individual-centered one I had (‘we have each had our frustrations recently’). It got me thinking how these frustrations never go away. Ever.

So what makes a really happy time different from a less-than-happy time, even with the same frustrations? (Because, my car-money problems now are equivalent to my house-money problems and my recently-lost-my-job money problems and my medication-money related problems etc.) I’m not sure. Endorphins? I am inclined to say that my cure-all-might-as-well-be-CALORIC answer of Oxytocin is the difference. But maybe not. Maybe these times are just needed, because, whenever I have one of these days I go home and I am ever so much more disciplined about all these little things. And someday, maybe, they will become habit. And I will have fewer of these days.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Sophie, writing a paper at City Dock

Links for Friends

For fear of facebook.. and all its consequences.. I am posting a bunch of articles I have found that remind me of my girlfriends here:

because i think that boredom is the First Deadly Sin: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gretchen-rubin/balanced-life----eight-ti_b_376546.html

because it's true: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-goulston-md/just-listen----there-are_b_385733.html

to continue this conversation: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leora-tanenbaum/girl-bashing-its-conseque_b_383982.html

because it's true and YOU SHOULD ALL READ THIS: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-do-the-smartest-women_b_382870.html (fortunately I absolve myself from these because a) you all are smarter than me and b) i don't need the advice right now)(and the adjacent blogs: http://ivyleagueinsecurities.com/ and this one: http://taoofdating.com/)

because it's you: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/therese-borchard/10-types-of-female-friend_b_379258.html

Translated by Daniel Ladinsky

The Body Is Like Mary

The body is like Mary and each of us has a Jesus inside.
Who is not in labor, holy labor? Every creature is.

See the value of true art when the earth or a soul is in
the mood to create beauty,

for the witness might then for a moment know beyond
any doubt, God is really there within,

so innocently drawing life from us with Her umbilical
universe,

though also needing to be born, yes God also needs to be
born,

birth from a hand's loving touch, birth from a song breathing
life into this world.

The body is like Mary, and each of us, each of us, has a
Christ within.

Ancient Greeks + Sexuality



My friends this is interesting. More later, as it is a very ripe conversation, but right now my head is not in the game. I'll let it simmer.

I am a child

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

evening Lighting

Running Update: Eleven Miles

I aborted running this weekend for several weekends: a) Sophie was in town (Oh I ADORE a great excuse to eat too much bad food, drink too much, and spend infinite hours sitting around, and Sophie is one such wonderful excuse) and b) It snowed. QED no long run until Monday evening, after work. This run, my friends, was beautiful. Just cold enough to keep you running, and wicking the sweat off, but not so cold I needed a hat. And evenings running down to Georgetown and around the mall are full of light and people and the feelings that you are truly accomplishing something (because, somehow, all the accomplishment you are surrounded by rubs off, I guess). So – eleven miles. The first six were, actually, wonderful and swift and constant, in another headspace. The seventh was a bit difficult, and the last four were quite hard because I had not rehydrated or brought any snacks (I will have to figure out what to do about this in the future). Interestingly enough, I did not suffer loneliness or demotivation, and my ipod on simple music provided enough background noise to shut off thoughts. I walked a lot in the last few miles, which reminded how much harder it is to stop and start again. My muscles were sore, and I am still suffering from terrible chafing injuries. But no side effects of shin splints or sore knees, but definite hunger throughout the night. Today I am not as sore as I expected, and feel like I can continue these long runs -with modifications for fuel of course – for the course of it. For now, at least.

Monday, December 7, 2009

friends?

This one should also be rotate I think


Also - I'm beginning to be worried that I understand the TV show "Friends" so much that my 12 year old self is worried. sympathies?


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The purple flowers...

I tried to rotate this picture (it didn't work)
but I LOVED this flowers, they were EVERYWHERE! i am STILL considering a tattoo -
the purple is vibrant and thorough, and the presence was such a strength in those unnecessary runs...


Friday, December 4, 2009

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Just some pages I wrote

Running Update: Runner FAIL

Let me note that I have learned my lesson about the importance of consistency in any practice. Let me also reveal to you the result of a more-or-less accidental week off from my running plan: a terrible no good very bad run. And less motivation. Last week there were excuses galore for skipping the required run, and every day I got closer and closer, to the point where I wore my running gear around all day, to actually getting out there. Making the lack of the run that much greater of a fail.

Anyhoodle, I got back on the saddle/pavement Sat. for a sad 3 mile, and was gung ho about a morning Monday run, like I usually am, because Mondays are easiest because of the new start and all. But, Sunday night I slept terribly and every time I woke up my mind lingered on the great heat created by- and the deep weight of- and the pretty much necessary onslaught of – SHIN SPLINTS. So I decided to run in the evening, and I did, and I did some strength training, and I took yesterday off but for the yoga (so NOT the result of a bad day and a mom-induced happy hour, or the hour or two of chatting I did with the roommate, no definitely no, it was intentional). But this morning I got up and ran a great 3.5 miles and I think I’m tricking these buggers to go away! TAKE THAT inevitable evils!!!

On another note, I have been taking stock of my diet lately, and I just want to share with you how ridiculous I am. Here is what I have been eating for, oh, weeks now:
Breakfast: oatmeal with molasses, dried apricots, flax seeds, and brown sugar OR pumpkin flax seed muffin with a one-egg cheese omelet
Snack: green smoothie of banana, spinach, and cranberry juice
Lunch: leftover dinner, examples: turnips and lentils with a miso-tahini sauce plus brussel sprouts OR barbecue baked chicken and lots of braised kale
Snack: carrot and greek yogurt with pumpkin seeds
Snack: apple and peanut butter
Dinner: see above
Dessert: warm milk, natty bo, or applesauce.

This is bizarre to me. I feel like I am single handedly debunking my own need to be reckless by all this wake-up-and-run-and-yoga-and-eat-only-vitamins-and-sleep-and-read-and-make-things-and-not-television-unless-making-things person. What, am I, like, becoming who I WANT to be, or something? Negatory. Scratch that. Still aimless in life. Still kinda pretty much bored. Still pretty Effin selfish. Whatevs.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Seattle :-)

That kind of month..

I seem to be having one of those months – you know, the kind where you wake up early but decide to be unproductive and regret it, when you make a great breakfast but burn the egg and the coffee gets cold because in your desperate attempt to make the time even better and fully enjoy it, you spend too long trying to make sure the seventybajillion weird pieces of hair that are pouting out at all directions because your hair stylist was bored actually do something worthy of an office? The kind of months where your lips are permanently chapped and your finger sprout hangnails like they have been coated in miracle grow. The kind of month where all of a sudden you feel like an entirely different person. A month where you are blamed for your boss’ mistakes, and doubt your capabilities.

Who do I feel like? That’s right, a hipster. I feel THAT weird. As you know, I have been reading a lot about them on the interwubs. And basically all being a hipster is, is being twenty something and confused and a little worried about ending up a yuppy. Also, hating hipsters is a pretty hipster thing to do. Now that there is a movie coming out, and books about it, and blogs about it, and ironic blogs about it, hipsterness is relegated to yet another generational phenomenon – like being Punk, or Hippies, or Alternative. It’s certainly not just an aesthetic phenomenon, because as far as I can tell most of us look a lot like hipsters to a 50 year old. We all love vintage shopping. And the idea of tattoos. And cheap beer – although, I don’t drink PBR (I drink Natty Bo, and only because Clarke left it in my fridge). It’s about not knowing what to do with your Fing life. So, we are all basically in line with Mulesy, the Flemmings, Wiley, et. al... at least it will seem that way when we’re 35. Sorry.

Also, I made a gigantic fool of myself this past weekend with my high school girlfriends. Which is pretty much the norm. And I spent all weekend stressing about it, which is also the norm. Every time I feel I have gotten to a great space where I have left everything I need to prove to them aside, I see them again and I get all huffy with myself and try too hard and say the wrong things and get upset. I think I need more alone with them, to remind myself they are my friends and not a panel of Tutors judging me for my Life Progress. Also, tip of the week, when you come into a gigantic and happy revelation about your relationship that happens to deal with just you and only you, don’t tell the first old friend who will listen. A) She will probably take it the way you said it, which was not at all what you meant b) You are more excited that the reality needs you to be c) It might make her feel bad. But, once you do this, forget about it and stop hating your decisions. I promise it will make the weekend better.